If I ever decide to quit this sport, I need to make that decision on the river. Not back in home in the flat, dry midwest. I forget too easily. Before every time-consuming, expensive trip I wonder if this should really be a priority. With family, work, and everything else on my plate, can I really afford to be traveling across the country to get in my boat? The hours I spend training in Missouri are rewarding and satisfying, but they certainly aren't exhilarating.
For the past year, I have been waiting for one ultimate "ah ha" moment where my commitment to the sport would solidify. I think I've finally accepted that this will not happen. Instead, I will continue to have this realization over and over again each time I put on whitewater, and during the days and weeks between sessions I must constantly weigh my dedication against doubt. Delayed gratification, I believe it's called.
And learning to do that may just be the most important thing this sport will teach me.