get off your stern and paddle

When I am racing slalom, my reaction to instability gets me into trouble. When I feel out of control, I tense up and wait for the boat to stabilize before I continue. The problem is, slalom boats aren't happy when they are going slower than the water. My habit only makes things worse; the water grabs the edges and I loose momentum. What I need to do when I feel unstable is paddle aggressively forward. Getting on the bow, building up speed, and driving ahead will stabilize the boat almost instantly. That needs to become my habit, my gut reaction.

I was thinking about this as I waited in the St. Louis County Department of Revenue office today -- studying the other folks in the room, clutching a little slip printed with "247," which told me I only had 6 people in front of me. My friends know that I have a remarkable ability to procrastinate, often on the things that are most important to me. I think here I also "wait and see" -- when I feel out of control or overwhelmed, my habit is to shy away from the action until I feel better. This doesn't mean I won't jump headlong into big challenges, it just means that sometimes I'm caught sitting back on my stern when things get pushy.

And that's not okay. I don't want to be a "wait and see" boater and I certainly don't want to live my life that way. When things get unstable, I need to be on my bow, looking ahead & driving forward.

Today was rough. I tend to function well when my life is very full, but not *this* full. My to-do list has about 30 pretty urgent things on it. I can get some done online, but no internet at my new house yet. Plus, my laptop needs a new battery, and won't function without the powercord, which is in my car, which is in the shop. Just after fixing the left headlight and blinker, the right goes out, getting me pulled over so the cop can also see my plates are expired. So I spent hours and hours today getting sent from office to office because apparently moving from the county to the city and back while trying to pay personal property taxes is a very dumb idea. And everything I own is still packed in boxes, making the search for my car’s title a small archeological expedition. And my boat leaks. And my shoulders hurt and this really scares me because I’m putting other parts of my life on hold for a sport in which my butt is still getting whooped by 14 year-olds.

Okay, done whining. I needed to vent, and more importantly, crush my blog's image as a "upbeat school newsletter" (Hi, Dave!). Life is actually quite fabulous. Once I am unpacked and get a few nights with a full 8 hours of sleep, constantly-optimistic Laura should be back in full force.